Hungry Not Horny Are Horror Addicts! Pt. One

It's hard to not discuss our art film leanings like Brothers and Glover’s It Is Fine! Everything is Fine! or Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre. Or our surplus of 80s screwball (Big Trouble in Little China!). And what about Boxing Helena or Labyrinth for Godssakes?!! But we need to discuss what's important, maybe we should introduce ourselves: we are horror addicts. That doesn't mean we like just any old horreur flick, in fact it's probably the genre filled with the most garbage. But that's the pleasure - you have to work to find those gems and when you do it is worth it. Admittedly, some of these horror selections are ones we grew up watching so the tastes being represented come from a personal and not so objective stance; sometimes movies are just awful but you can't really tell because it was part of your upbringing and so you have it ingrained that this is what a movie should be like. A lot of people think that movies like the Saw series are where true horror is found and then there are those of us who were raised on the Sleepaway Camp trilogy and can't see the appeal of extreme violence without a camp-y undertone. In no particular order, these are some essential movies.

Uzumaki Higochinsky (2000)

Uzumaki means spiral in Japanese and that is exactly what is obsessively feared throughout this beautiful film. The effects are nearly seamless and so focusedly psychedelic: part of the anxiety that builds is that you think your eyes are playing tricks on you. You have to see this one to understand what the hell I'm talking about. I'm not sure you even need to understand what is being said in order to follow the plot, it's a very visual story.

Demons Lamberto Bava (1985)

I actually saw this one kind of late for a horror fiend like myself. This is one where I became addicted to certain scenes. Example: 4 hardcore* punks are driving down a neon-lit (80's) avenue in some Italian city. You know they're hardcore because they are listening to Go West's We Close Our Eyes. The punk girl in the back seat bounces to the beat whilst they pass a Coke can around and use the straw to snort its contents. The Coke can helps the ignorant watcher realize these ruffians are snorting coke. These deliberate 80's tactics used for storytelling keep me coming back. Watch this one at a party and it's a good time, but it alone still creeps me out.

*Side note: Something I absolutely love about the 80s, especially horror, is how much punks and other subculture peeps are represented. In these films, the punks are almost never listening to "punk" music but rather some random, and usually lame, pop song that needed promotion at the time. Another good example would be Lost Boys where all the badass teens go to a Tim Capello concert. A non-horror example would be the punk club in Pretty in Pink that Ducky, Molly and their older friend attend which plays the Stray Cats and English-Beat-style reggae/new wave.

Suspiria Dario Argento (1977)

What I love about Argento is that he brings you into this strange dubbed language world that really requires re-watching to get the swing of. Stepping into an Argento film cold can be a confusing experience to say the least. You leave feeling unsure of what you have seen. It was violent, that's for sure. Suspiria is his most artsy and well-known with reason; just watch the opening sequence. This film takes place at a boarding/ballet school, Suzy Banyon is one of the only Americans so she already feels like an outcast. It gets worse when she is targeted by the witches who run the school. Unfortunately, like most people in horror films, Suzy is stupid and curious about her evil caretakers, which drives along a visually-stunning story.

Phenomena aka Creepers Dario Argento (1985)

Argento continues his carnal tales of little girls and the torture bestowed upon them. Real feminist shit. At least this one is educational, ok? There are insects involved. Jennifer Corvino (Jennifer Connelly - oh yes, Labyrinth) attends a Swiss boarding school where she is viciously mocked by her classmates, they sense difference. Good thing she can call the insects (like calling the rocks?) and they'll come gross everyone out. This one has some seriously horrifying moments. No, Argento does not spare the children.

Black Sunday Mario Bava (1960) - father of Lamberto (Demons, keep up!)

This is what a horror movie should look like. Like Uzumaki in that you don't even need to have the sound on.

Return of the Living Dead Dan O'Bannon (1985) "Get the lights! Trash is taking her clothes off!!"

1985 seems like the magic year so far, yes/no? This trashy return to the land of government-faulted zombie existence is just tinged with the air of John Waters. The overacting, ridiculous (brilliant?) dialogue and generally campiness definitely sing of The Trashmaster (Waters) so of course I was hooked from the opening. Amazing 80's moments, tons of laughs but also a film that stays fun from beginning to end. No undisciplined lag to be found, a pretty tight film overall.

If only Return of the Living Dead II was better because this is one of my favorite 80's horror film posters. That and Blood Diner.

The Thing John Carpenter (1982)

Just when I was getting ready to turn this one off, there was the dog scene. The Thing takes place in the Antarctic and stars our 80's hero stud Kurt Russell. I always really liked Kurt Russell but truly fell for him in his self-deprecating role in Death Proof; Kurt should have won an award for Stuntman Mike. Anyway, The Thing has some incredibly intense times and maintains most of that unease throughout. The startling and awesomely violent special effects are in stark contrast to the bland white landscape - the Antarctic setting also plays a huge role in how these guys are able to fight against their intruder; the isolation is daunting but the only saving grace at the dark end. <<---- spoiler alert!

Slumber Party Massacre II Deborah Brock* (1987) "I wanna be your Tokyo convertible. I wanna have fun with yooooou! *deep voice* I just love goin' through the motions."

Rockabilly camp horror... there are a lot of words for this movie. Slumber Party Massacre I was quite a flop and nothing but a boring slasher while its sequel is, in contrast, wonderfully extreme and filled with bizarre choices on the director/writer's part; that's kind of like the Prom Night movies in that the first is a boring Jamie Lee Curtis slasher while Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2 takes the series in a hilariously campy direction. SLP II opens with our feature characters, a rowdy girl group named Wednesday Week. You can tell they're wild because sometimes they take off their tops and dance! The band's backup singer/guitarist, Courtney, keeps thinking she's hallucinating this peppy rockabilly singer who happens to yield a massive guitar/spiral saw that mutilates the cast of this film, and looks like it’s what 90% of what the budget for this film was spent on. Her sister was crazy (as in loony bin crazy) so she assumed she was going down the same path but then everyone ends up dying and Courtney has to face the cackling guitarist herself. The music in this film is so catchy, beware!

* Deborah Brock both wrote and directed Slumber Party Massacre II as well as Rock n' Roll High School Forever. It's funny that this was female written and directed - it's not exactly sex positive as you may gather from the poster art.

What should we be watching? You let us know! What are some of your favorite film posters?